Journal

I have journals dating back to 3rd grade. I think the only one I've lost over the years was the electronic "Dear Diary" I had as a kid. But I don't remember there being too much on that. Tomorrow's entry will have more explanation to where this project is leading, as it's quite obvious that (despite the many years of writing I have done), I seem to be failing at the "writing" part of this project.

Reboot

Another Picture Only Til I Write More

...

Paragraph to come soon!

Transitions and Project Changes

This project is proving itself to be kind of tricky. I'm only about a week in and I'm already behind! This picture was taken yesterday, but for whatever reason, I forgot to post it. And now I feel like a failure.

This is how things usually start for me. I either forget about them, or just don't feel like doing them. It's a bad habit that I have. I'm finding the idea of having to write something (and I feel obligated to write something... somewhat intelligent, and somewhat lengthy with each picture) harder than I expected. I want the reading to be interesting or deep... well both those things. And even though I have a lot of ideas of things to talk about, it's been a long time since I've put thoughts into words. And to post those words publicly, for criticism or discussion.

But maybe that's just part of the transitioning. Who knows what this project will evolve into. I want to keep to the original rules as much as possible. (Luckily, I made them pretty general). A rough start so far, but it only leaves room to grow.

The Little Things

It's a little hard to see in the picture, a couple (Pedro and Molly) wrote their names on the window while making the "o"s in their names a boy and a girl. I noticed it walking out of work tonight and thought it was adorable.

I've always loved the little things. Small ways of showing affection, friendship, and love. For me they speak louder than anything else. A single red rose can speak so much more than a bouquet. A hand written note may be harder to read, but it's more personal than any typed and printed sheet. It's not a lie when people say that it is the thought that counts.

One of the most precious gifts I have ever received, I got during a church retreat one year. We did a sort of secret santa type thing, only it was secret friends. You drew a name, spent the weekend trying to get to know that person, and then made them a gift to reflect what you learned about them.

One year, I wasn't sure if I would be able to make the retreat. Last minute, I joined the group and spent the weekend getting to know everyone. When it came time to present the gifts, one of my advisers got up and presented me mine.

He had picked out a rock, cleaned it up, and painted the lake that sat on the property where we had our retreat. There were trees in fall colors and birds in the sky. He explained that he had done so because of the fact that I didn't know until last minute if I would be going, and this was a way for me to be there, even if I couldn't make it. It was a way to remember the place in the future when I was no longer a part of the youth group. And it was a way to remember the weekend I had just had.

I still own the rock, and I still treasure it. More than anything ever bought for me from a store. It was made by someone, for me. It was his way of showing he was thinking of me and what was important to me. It's crazy to think, that something as simple as a rock with a little paint could be so much. But it is, and always will be.

I try to appreciate the small things. A simple gift, a little time, a shoulder to cry on, a token of friendship, or writing on a window. There are so many little things in this world that make up something bigger and more beautiful. Something that materialistic and replaceable items fall short of doing. Taking away that personal touch truely takes away the value of any item or action. It is truely the thought that counts.

Thoughts on Friendship

What admirable qualities attract you to your friends? What glues your relationships together?

I am by no means an expert on friendship. I've had a shit time with people through out my life. But I HAVE learned from it.

It doesn't take a lot to be my friend. I like giving everyone a chance. I'm accepting of differences... but I expect my friends to be too. I don't like seeing people hurt others just because they can. I don't like seeing people get used or using others. It's wrong. We're all human, we all want the same thing in life... happiness. So why do you have to screw other people over just to get it?

Friendship is a complicated thing, like so many other things in life. I'm a live and let live kind of person. I can respect someone's opinion even if I don't agree with it. I demand that respect in return. No exceptions. And not only that respect towards me, but towards others as well. If you have an opinion or belief.... you can tell me about it, or have a debate with me about it... but don't expect me to believe it or make it my own. If you can't accept that, then you probably aren't a friend of mine. (That's the main "quality" I look for in a friend since that's what that question asks)

However, what I really want to talk about is what friendship IS to me.

A friend is someone who is going to care about you for YOU. They aren't going to expect things from you, and they aren't going to make you feel inferior or bad about yourself. They aren't going to use you, or try and show you up. They won't be friends with you only to better their own status, or to humor you. It seems kind of obvious... but I know people who have "friends" that are like this, and it saddens me!

If there is one thing I've learned over the years and through all the drama I've dealt with, its this.

Don't settle for what you don't deserve! You deserve friends who are there for you and truely care for your well-being.

For me, friendship isn't about quantity, its about quality. Sure, I may not have THAT many friends, but the ones I have I know I can count on and trust. I don't settle for less. I've wasted enough of my time on people who were out for themselves. My time is my greatest gift and I'm not going to just hand it out freely.

Of course, you have to be a good friend too. You can't expect to have good friends when you aren't one yourself. I try to be a good friend. And whatever expectations I put in my friends, I follow myself. If the world was like this... things would be so much easier.

Friendship is a big thing to me... I've relied on friends a lot in my life. Up until recently, I was let down. It's not unheard of, and it hurts when it happens. But in the end you're a stronger person.